What if it sucks?

I officially booked my editor yesterday for the novel.  I am both excited beyond belief, and scared witless.  My mother is finishing up her own editing adventure with the story, and has both constructive criticism and not very constructive criticism for it.  I’m just anxious to get it back from her so I can fix all the mistakes I’ve made in it.  I go back and forth from thinking I’ve written something totally amazing, to feeling like I’ve written a piece of dog poo that should politely be taken out of its misery.  I dread receiving it back just as much as I look forward to it.

The book will be in the editor’s hands on February 4th, so I have to move into high gear to fix all the parts I terribly blundered to get it to her on time.  It’s good to have a deadline; it ensures I won’t be sitting on my laurels as if I have all the time in the world.  But it’s also a little stressful, as I really have no idea how many errors my mom has caught in the book.  According to her, a lot.

Why did I give it to her?  Oh yeah.  Because I want it to be perfect.

Once the editor has it, she will take 7-10 days editing it.  Then it is back in my hands to do with it what I want.  That’s the exciting part.  That’s the part that keeps me going.  I could have a book in your hands as early as March!  It all depends on me.  And once the first book is published, I feel like there’s nothing stopping me from publishing another, and another, and another.

I just have to get over the fear part, the “what if this sucks” part.

What if it does suck?  It’s mine.  I put my heart and soul into it.  I love the story.  And I’m doing everything I can to make it not suck.

But I don’t want it to suck. I want you to love it.  I wrote this, not just for me, but for you too.

I think everything will be easier once it’s finally edited and published, and the deed is done.

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